10:01 PM

Every year, I greet the month of May like it's an old friend I'm excited to catch up with. I don't know if other people out there feel the same way I do but no matter what I tell people, birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and the likes all just seem like the perfect opportunity for everyone to have a good time and be in celebration of that one (or more) person. So naturally, I tend to make a big deal out of all these moments. My close friends know that I have this habit of keeping excited by always having a countdown to the awaited date.
"This time around next week, we'll be done with exams"
"This time tomorrow, my sister's officially somebody's wife"
"On this date next month, I'll never have to see these dreadful people again"

I tend to make a particularly big deal with birthdays. Not everyone else's, just mine. My birthday falls on the 17th of May. I can bet that every year, I wake up on fhe first of that month with a very excited "oh my God, it's in 17 days!"

I remember some big moments Ive had on my birthday. When I was 8, my parents planned out a small party for me at McDonalds in Subang Parade. An indian lady entertained me and my friends and brought us to the kitchen and I remember thinking it felt like being given VIP passes to a rock show. When I was 17, my friends planned a surprise birthday at Empire for me and Sarah, whose birthday is on the day after mine. From 2007 til 2011, my high school canteen would sing the birthday song to Lisarah (lisa+sarah) every year during break. In 2013, the guy I was in a relationship with called me at midnight and played a youtube video with an entire audience singing the birthday song in the background which cracked me up so much. In 2014, my family and plus ones celebrated my birthday at troika and that midnight, I was in front of my laptop just waiting to buy Coachella tickets. The next dah, my friends surprised me by getting my favourite cake and decorating my room with a Coachella theme in mind with flowers and balloons.

Then came last year. I came home on the 14th of May after a month of Coachella, LA vibin', New York swingin' and everything else in between. The person that I was set on spending my birthday with ended up not contacting me at all and leaving me in tears at home. No matter how much I try to not remember things like this, I know I'll never forget them. And then this year came and I thought, it cant be anywhere close to how bad it was last year. I cleared my schedule for this other person. In the end, I was told other plans were made and much like last year, I spent a big chunk of it at home under my sheets.

Maybe that's just the sentimental part of me. I like the idea of people being celebrated. I like the idea of being valued very explicitly. I like how they're like the avenue for actions speak louder than words, if that makes any sense.
So this year, I wish to not make such a big deal out of upcoming birthdays or any other celebrations.

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